The real reason you’re not losing weight

The most crucial elements in weight loss are the things you tell yourself. We all judge and scold ourselves in a way that we would never think of if we were talking to a friend or loved one.

Here are the most common things I hear over and over. These are beliefs, stories and stumbles that are ingrained in people and keep them from successfully changing losing body fat and getting healthier.

• I hate the way I look

• Everyone is judging me

• I wish I looked that guy or that woman on Facebook

• I deserve a treat

• This food/ alcohol will make me feel better

• I have failed so many times. Nothing works for me.

• If I could just lose weight I would be happy.

• This one time won’t hurt

• I will start tomorrow or Monday

• I made a mistake and ruined everything

• I was doing so well until ___________ happened

• If I can’t do it 100% what’s the point?

• Why do I keep eating things that I regret later?

• I wish I was one of those lucky people who can eat whatever they want.

• I have been eating perfectly for seven days in a row

• I need to change the way I look to increase my self-esteem.

• I am not dating until I get rid of this extra weight.

• No one will be interested in a fat out of shape person. 

• Do any of these sound familiar?

You probably say some of these things because you are overweight or out of shape. People everywhere are trying to lose weight so they can change these thoughts.They are hoping if they could get into some smaller pants, they will finally stop saying terrible things about themselves.

But the reality is – you have to change your thoughts before you can change your waist size!

People will disagree with this wholeheartedly and will hold onto these old familiar patterns and beliefs.

It’s “groundhog day” as they keep repeating the same mistaken thoughts over and over. They are on treadmill of lose fat- gain fat -lose fat -gain back and then some.

The way to change this is to question these thoughts and ask “Do I know this to be true? Do you really think people are looking at you and judging you?

Most people don’t really care - they are too caught up their own worlds and don’t have the time to focus on you. Diffuse or detach from these thoughts. Can you take some time to write in a journal and examine these thoughts from a higher perspective? Writing has a way of clarifying your mental processes - and gives you clear perspective.

What if you did the opposite of what you were thinking? You can write out this scenario on paper and play it out to the end.

 Ask: What if you were at your ideal weight 1 year in the future how would you handle TODAY? What food choices would you be making?

 TRY THIS EXERCISE:

Write a letter to your future self and describe what you did to lose the weight and keep it off for good.

Do you have perfectionist thinking? Are you all in or all out? 

What if you could find the Gray area in between the two extremes of strict dieting and overindulgence? Can you have flexibility and resilience in the face of failure?

This idea runs contrary to the diet industry gurus, bloggers and book authors which say you must be 100%- Keto- 100% Low carb- 100% Paleo, Carnivore vegetarian or sugar free dairy free etc.……you get the idea!

And if you delineate from that even once you need to start over again! You have failed!

It’s very much like a new fundamentalist religion. You’re either all in or all out. You love Jesus or you worship the devil- no other choice!

This is total nonsense! You will always have periods in your life where you will overeat and overindulge in unhealthy foods. The most successful people who maintain weight loss long term - expect and embrace this as a normal way of life.

In fact most follow the 80/20 rule - you eat well 80% of the time and allow for indulgences and screw ups the other 20%.

 But instead of giving up after a slip up they return to their normal routines at the next meal. Many people will add drama to their weight loss story and their “slip ups” - I have no discipline! I am weak or I why can’t I be like Joe/ Mary who have no problem staying on their meal plan and lost weight rapidly?

To compare is to despair. Comparing yourself to others is a losing game! Comparison is the thief of joy! You have a different life and different circumstance than almost everyone else on the planet. What works best for you? What will fit into the context of your unique life - not some standard or metric that a guru or diet book or some guy on Facebook with big biceps told you.

Here is a paraphrased quote from a Zen master:

“Einstein said it was easier to split the atom than to change a belief.

 People are not themselves by any means; they don’t realize they are unconsciously controlled.

They are puppets to habitual behaviors, feelings and mindsets and live life in a mechanical way.

They are responding to voices from the past. They have some experiences that affected them that now control them.

Consequently they are not free.

This is the greatest obstacle to changing your mind.”

A husband told his wife (after her persistent nagging) that he had changed his mind - and the wife replied - “I hope this new mind works better than the old one!”

And Finally consider adapting a “growth mindset” This is a proven idea from Stanford researcher Carol Dweck.

 Most of us are carrying around a “Fixed Mindset” - we only know what we know and don’t want to be challenged.

The old comfortable and familiar ways are just fine. But this leads to “Hardening of the attitudes” and missed opportunities to reach your full potential.

 Being in growth mindset is especially important for older adults who still get “set in their ways.”

 Another quote from the book “Younger next year” from Chris Crowley- “There is no standing still in life – its either growth or decay.”

So these are the true obstacles to weight loss success.

It’s all in your mind!

 And you have a choice to  filter out false beliefs, and to fire the judge and jury that lives up there.

Personally I have a dictator that lives up in my head, so occasionally I have to put him on a leash and show him who is the master! Be kind and compassionate to yourself-  first and foremost. As they say in Oklahoma “God ain’t done with me yet!

We are all works in progress!

 I hope you consider trying one of these exercises. It will help you reach your weight loss goals better that worrying about calories and time spent on a treadmill.

How to lose weight permanently [1 thing no one tells you]

To stick to a diet there’s a handful of ingredients you need. But there is one essential that comes before all the rest. It’s the secret sauce that kicks up the results.

It’s what everyone “in the know” uses to get results. And it’s been documented as the greatest marker of long term success when dieting.

It’s to know that your actions will be viewed by another person and they will measure your commitment and hold you to change no matter what. The magic ingredient is called accountability, that’s why you need a group, a friend, a loved one or a professional coach that will keep you on track all the way.

Picture this: You are at the first day of school and the teacher comes in with a big text book. He says, “inside this book is everything you need to learn the subject and you will be tested on it in 3 months’ time. Study hard for the next 3 months to prepare yourself for the final exam.”

“Good luck to everyone!”

And he walks out of the room never to be seen again.So how many people will pass this class? Not many! What if you have a question or have a problem? Well basically you’re on your own.

When a teacher just gives you the book and expects everyone to do the work, he is setting everyone up for failure. Yes, a few outliers will find it easy and pass (but we hate those people!)

The point here that most major fad diets and programs you buy on the internet do the same thing. Here is a meal plan, the calories you’re allowed, your “How to” information and some exercise videos for you to follow.

So it’s easy to see how 95% of people fail on diets and most only last a few weeks – maybe more or less depending on the person. So you know how to guarantee failure - but how do you guarantee success?

You get guidance, support and most important accountability.

On your own you make big sweeping commitments to eat healthy and exercise more but don’t. Why? Who will know?

When you don’t see the point of it anymore, who cares if you make it? When you are tired and want to call it quits, who will be there to keep you going? If the answer is no one, you can guess what happens.

Like many millions of others you repeat a cycle of starting and failing over and over. The diet industry is making billions of dollars and you are not losing weight. But it’s not your fault!

This is just naturally what happens to people without accountability and support. It’s the reason why the world’s most successful diet program Weight Watchers has been around since the 1960’s. It’s the only one that has a group setting and support system. Its why 12 step recovery programs work for alcoholics and drug addicts - the group meetings and support of fellow AA’s create a level of accountability and a sense of community towards a common cause.

Without being tied to the accountability of others, it’s easy to rationalize your choices and throw in the towel. So before embarking on another solo program – and failing again - consider getting some help:

Join a weight loss support group – in person or on Facebook. (Here you can check my Facebook page by the way)

Partner up with a friend of family member who have similar goals and will help you to show up on a consistent basis. Hire a coach who understands your goals and will help you through the struggles that inevitably come during the weight loss process.

Don’t get caught up in the endless downward spiral of following diet fads and doing what works for others. What I tell my clients: Uncover your most difficult challenges. Discover your own unique path to success. Recover from the endless of cycle of up and down dieting and be your best self for the rest of your life.

Remember it’s not the eating plan, it’s not the app you use, nor the supplements you take that make the difference, it’s the human element of having someone on your side who gives a damn about your success!